Don't make out with my wife yet
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
