Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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