The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
