If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
