Nicole vs. Life
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
time to smoke my breakfast
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize