hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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