You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
