he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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