Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
