uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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