this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
