Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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