I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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