you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
