Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
