I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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