I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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