Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
