you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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