yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
