trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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