I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
