Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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