My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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