these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
