wanna go halves on a baby?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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