i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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