Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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