i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
