last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
