don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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