i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
