I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
