I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize