dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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