When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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