If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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