he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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