guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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