You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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