WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
