Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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