Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
