what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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