babies were throwing up all over the place
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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