So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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