Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
