I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
