My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
