So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
