I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
