I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
