Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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