Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
