either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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