i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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