I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
