its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
