im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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