She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
ok first of all what the fuck
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
