So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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