Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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