the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize