he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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