I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
